I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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