fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
