are you so shy because you have an std?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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