I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
