Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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