I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
