What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
