I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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