I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
