I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
