That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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