I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
