awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
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There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can you bring me the toilet please
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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