Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I didn't notice because vodka
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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