I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
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It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
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In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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