So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I touched a dick in church today
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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