Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
