Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
