Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
