i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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