I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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