you guys were way drunker than both of me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
