Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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