My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
