i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the day after is always just damage control
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
