she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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