if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
