can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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