Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
