The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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