I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sext me about skeletons
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
