I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
