I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
