i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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