Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
