just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
