chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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