dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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