i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
