Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.