Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?