I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
