Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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