he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
