she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize