By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
