I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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