Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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