Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
