never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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