My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
