Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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