I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
