I just gift wrapped bread.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She even gives head with a lisp.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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