Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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