Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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