after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
