when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
