Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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